Yesterday I had one of those moments – or more like many of them (hours worth) before going out for my run. I haven’t hidden the fact that I have anxiety, but it often interferes with my running. I’ve always noticed it, but yesterday I found it within myself to really recognize it.
I found myself letting taking a nap and hitting snooze more than once before getting up to go to the gym to run. Once I woke up I stayed in bed for an hour. An hour. Why? I was so insecure about going to the gym and running on the treadmill. But this feeling wasn’t new – I feel it before going out on the roads too.
But why did I feel this way? I didn’t figure it out until I finally got on the treadmill to pound out my 5 miles for the day. My running anxiety isn’t like my other anxious habits – I still haven’t figured out how to control it. Did I eat enough? Will my legs want to move today? Will I cramp up? How will my knee feel? Will I need to walk? Will I keep up XX pace? Can I meet my 2:00 goal?
Halfway through my run and after an episode of Gossip Girl (ugh, so good), I realized that lately I’ve been worrying so much about my running because I’m afraid of not meeting my goals. So what if I’m running at XX pace? So what if I don’t hit my 2:00 half marathon on 4/11? A challenge is something to be worked for. I have at least 2 other halfs planned for this spring. And more for the fall. There will always be races there for me, just as my shoes will always be ready to be laced and my clothes will be in my closet (well….if they’re clean.)
I’ve seen this quote countless times over the past couple of weeks – and yesterday it finally hit me. 2:00 is a big goal. After two half marathons, both after which I’ve gotten hurt – to make a goal other than to finish healthy is a big leap. But I’m determined. I want to be there in the middle of the pack, with a 1:5X:XX next to my name. What if I can’t do it though? What if I’m not meant to run anything over 9 miles comfortably? All that I know, is that I’ve set a good goal for myself, because it literally scares the crap out of me. So the next time I’m anxious to get out for a run, I’m just going to do it…Because yesterday when I was so anxious to get out for a run, I hid the speed display on the treadmill so I could just run without worrying about it. And for 5 miles I felt great within the pace that my training plan prescribes for me. No one besides me knew how fast I was going, and for that 50ish minutes, no one stayed on the treadmill as long as me (Score!)
So Run YOUR Run. Don’t lay in bed worrying about what could be. Let your goals scare you, but remember that you can only be proactive in meeting them. Because if you didn’t form goals to meet, where would you be going? Or else, the running rules you, and that’s not why you run – is it?
Do you ever get anxious before you go out for your run?
How do you feel about your upcoming running goals?